My forced circumcision.
My uncle-in-law’s almost fatal violence against my aunt who happened to be my nanny.
No human warmth I felt until Yuwan came into my life. My first love. My very first boyfriend.
I feel all are hostile. Especially people. What a word. So sanitizing the cruelties of my species. Sapiens may be a better word. Or let’s just call us Monkeys Wearing Clothes. I can’t trust any of us since we are also creatures. Animals. Within a food chain. Man may not bite a dog but definitely only few of us chose a vegan life. Perhaps my dog may bite me one day after behaving peacefully initially like a croc.
Why do we group into a society? Why do we assign governments to control our affairs? Because otherwise there will be external chaos? In addition to the inner turmoil of the self?
I still have a remnant of effeminateness though Athee taught me how to walk like a man. How to carry myself like a man. Performing masculinity. Just as the gangsters do.
My campiness led to my social ostracization. Which made me unable to relate to men. To date I haven’t been able to identify myself with any of my countrymen. Do I really need to feel sorry for this? Migrate to another community permanently? Settle on the Moon for forever and never ever go back to Earth?
I don’t have any countrymen to look up to. No mentors. For me it’s like a one man’s fight against a society. A society of Sapiens brainwashed by Organized Religion. Brainwashed by thousands of years of tradition and culture. Including a highly toxic patriarchy.
I am God. Scientifically and quantum-wise. So that makes me a god literally as well.
Learn to compartmentalize my mind. Always be calm. Breathe. Just breathe. And let your body relax.
Don’t hurry or rush through anything. It will result in the loss of relaxation of the mind and the body. Remember the negative effect that has on you. Breathe.
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