Why long for people unattainable, I have wondered.
Should I believe that the sea has a fish for everyone and that beauty indeed lies in eyes or ears or smell or touch of the beholder?
When I was on Olanzapine, which gave me a voracious appetite, I gained more than 20 kilograms in just the first three months. My belly protruded so much so that those in my circles pressured me to exercise more than what I did back then.
Strangely enough, a scrawny close gay friend aged 26 told me he now found me physically and homosexually attractive and would have asked me to have gay sex with him if not for the fact that I was his friend before I was a potential homosexual lover.
"I am a rare case, is my guess," he confided in me. "I like buff gay men with large tummies, especially older men past the age of 50."
I pointed out to him that he was God's blessing for all those who are well past their prime - by creating someone like him who is homosexually attracted to a minority of elderly, obese, and therefore supposedly 'ugly' gay men. I told him to perceive himself as much blessed as anyone could be because he was a unique gay man created for a niche gay market which is older, fat gay men.
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