When did I realize I was homosexual, some friends ask me.
You could say I was like the protagonist in the movie "In and Out". I was living in a state of self-denial until one day when I was 29 I spotted a well-sculpted shirtless body of a surfer on the beach of a South Asian country.
I was spellbound. I stopped while I was in mid- conversation with a friend. I forgot what I was going to say from that point.
The surfer had a golden glow to his body caused from the setting of the yellow sun.
I was familiar with all kinds of porn but this was the first time my loins stirred at the sight of a handsome man. But I wondered: why this particular hottie? Why not other cute surfers? I guess Mother Nature too works in mysterious ways.
The thought crossed my mind that if I had the opportunity just to kiss his pinkish lips, I would give up the whole world and everything in it just for a taste of his mouth.
It's been years and the memory is still fresh as if it happened today morning.
I still feel a pang of poignancy at the thought that he is not in my life, that he was just a temporary bird that happened to cross my sight as he flew his way through his personal life.
The event led me to go on a rollercoaster ride through India's Hindi movies containing beautiful South Asian men. I began to harbor fantasies of dancing in gardens with pretty Bollywood men singing songs with them although I didn't understand a single word of Hindi or Urdu.
Thereafter, I found more meaning to watching homosexual pornography. I started having fantasies of being engaged in fellatio and sodomy with erotic South Asian men.
Once this realization dawned on me, I started actively seeking homosexual men to enjoy sex with.
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